Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
