Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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