Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
