yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
