booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
