your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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