For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
