North Korea, Best Korea!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
