I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
