I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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