How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
