this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
