i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Welp...herpes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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