no, he came in my armpit
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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