Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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