Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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