just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
