Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
