It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
