thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
