So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
