So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need water and some morals
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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