just come out here and I will go home with you...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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