I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
