Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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