He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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