My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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