DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
