we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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