I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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