So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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