did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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