WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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