I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
