Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
