textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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