Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
