Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
