Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
