He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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