Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
