but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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