i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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