Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
