things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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