So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
this hospital has no fireball
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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