____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
