I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
