but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
