Your face is a jimmy john
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
