DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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