Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
