We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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