i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
