piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
