you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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