I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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