OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
