can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We don't watch enough power rangers
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
