The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
