I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
