omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize