I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
