Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
