the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
