Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
