There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
