i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
